Relationship Self-Help: How You Can Go About Improving Your Connection with Your Guy


“I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

This is a quote from “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley.” A skit that appeared frequently on Saturday Night Live in the early ‘90s.

It says a lot about the reputation of self-help around the world.

Even though it has given many of us a huge boost in our quality of life, many still scoff at the idea of self-help.

Even though gurus like Tony Robbins write bestsellers about it, and people pay thousands of dollars to attend his weekend seminars, others scoff at the idea of self-help. It seems too simplistic to them. Embarrassing. Fake.

But what is self-help really?

At its most basic, self-help is learning something improve your life, without a teacher or therapist to give you one-on-one feedback. Hence the name, Self-help.  You help yourself after learning about what has worked for others.

Reading a book is the most classic form of self-help. Taking a class is on the border. And getting one-on-one counseling from a therapist is definitely not self-help.

Self-help is particularly important in relationships. Because it’s often difficult to get your partner to go to marriage counseling or a weekend seminar on enhancing the romance in your relationship.

It would be nice if your partner was learning about improving your relationship too. But as you’ve probably already learned, you can only control your half of the equation.  You have to focus your effort on the things you have control over.

One of those things is knowledge. Knowledge of the opposite sex and how their mind operates differently than yours. How his experience may be different from her experience (and what to do about it so you can live happily ever after).

So, what’s the value in taking my relationship courses? What do you get when you become a serious student of relationship enhancement techniques through the blog?

You get insight.

Working to improve your relationship requires understanding. Of yourself. Of your partner. Of men and women in general.

When you put in the time to learn my relationship tips and techniques, it’s like upgrading your mental and emotional software.

You’ll understand how to make the changes you need to make. And you’ll be better equipped to make those changes when you decide to do so.

The Three Most Important Types of Relationship Self-Help

What exactly is it that you can learn from my courses and blog posts?

I provide three main types of relationship self-help designed to bring people closer.

1. Insight about what motivates people.

2. Insight into how others perceive you and how a man’s mental maps of the world may differ from yours.

3. Specific techniques and tips to keep you inspired and constantly testing to see what will work in your unique situation.

Let’s look at each type of relationship self-help individually.


Understanding what your guy really, truly cares about on a fundamental level gives you an incredible advantage in your relationship. It allows you to predict the emotional response he will have to your actions. You’ll never do that perfectly or 100{c3361bb0cafa607323a298437b54afc507cdfbda6b55a640fbdde2a09fd3f6b4} of the time, but you can improve with time, giving you the power to influence the future of your relationship.

With a little work, you can ensure you are the thing that motivates him the most. The person in his life he cares about the most. And you’ll see how those two things are inextricably connected.


When you learn how your guy views the world – and views you – it’s like being able to predict the future. Because we all react based on how we see things. The lessons we’ve learned. The experiences we’ve absorbed. The meaning we attribute to things.

Open a window onto your guy’s worldview. It will enable you to anticipate his reactions.

The famous physicist, Michio Kaku says the best definition of intelligence is the ability to get what you want. Having deep insight into the male mind improves the odds that you’ll get what you want from your relationship. Pretty powerful stuff, right?

In fact, it may just be the most potent form of power a person can possess. Because if you can predict how someone is going to react, it influences everything you do.

You can make an informed decision about whether to take action A or action B. Because you’ll know beforehand which is more likely to lead toward the things you want in your relationship.

Tips and techniques

Everyone has ideas, but few people have tested those ideas. And even fewer people have tested them across multiple relationships rather than merely in their own relationship.

But a lot of “experts” try to reinvent the wheel. Not me. I try help you to learn from the mistakes and successes of those who have gone before us. Those who have already struggled toward the relationship goals you and I both want for your relationship.


Because, as a relationship coach, it’s not my job to invent new ideas. It’s my job to coach you through the process of implementing the best, most proven ideas in your relationship.

I recognize that countless people have tried countless things over the history of humanity. So I collect the things that work. And discard the rest.

This helps you fast-forward your relationship success.

Now, this doesn’t mean I don’t have my own ideas. My own principles.

Over the course of my career, I have often asked people to try things and observed the results.

That being said, the vast majority of my ideas come from others. I admit it freely and without shame.

Because the accumulated wisdom of other people’s lives throughout history contains more insight and knowledge than I will ever be able to gather through my own experiments during the course of my one short lifetime.

Getting Relationship Self-Help Is the Opposite of Learning the Hard Way

Some people insist on “learning the hard way.” They want to do everything themselves. Figure things out on their own.

Because that seems more real. More pure. More honest.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it is none of those things. Doing things the hard way is just that – making them harder.

It’s an excuse to avoid self-discipline. And it results in a lot more painful mistakes. It ruins a lot of relationships that could have developed into something beautiful and lasting.

Don’t reject the opportunities you can find in self-help.

Make the decision not to be one of those stubborn people who insist on learning the hard way. Instead, become a student of what works in romantic relationships. Come study with us at

Here are some examples of relationship self-help topics we’ve recently covered:

When You’re Tired of Waiting on His Promises

Should You Settle?

The Power of Presence to Banish Nervous Habits

How Invalidation Can Tear Apart Your Relationship—And What to Do about It

each of these tiny training modules comes in the form of a simple blog article. But that format would do an injustice to one particular idea I have discovered. It’s a simple concept, but one that has profound transformative powers in romantic relationships between men and women.

In my opinion, it’s the ultimate example of relationship self-help that really works.

Here’s a link to a video about what may be the most powerful concept I’ve ever discovered. It shows you how to predict and influence the emotional reactions of the special guy in your life.

Learning about relationships is a lifelong process. And becoming a student of relationship success is just the beginning. But you have to start somewhere, so why not reach out to us and start your own relationship self-help journey?

Join us at Or watch my special presentation on the most powerful relationship self-help method I’ve ever had the privilege to teach.

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